If everything you knew was wrong, what would you do next?

What would it mean to fundamentally rethink our model of reality? 

Take a random poll of what people want and you’d probably find some marked similarities. Most people want a healthy life for themselves and their loved ones, a good home, maybe cars, access to good education, the ability to socialise and take family holidays. The path to get there though – and what “there” actually means – has dramatically shifted over the years. In a competitive personal, social and business environment, a radical focus on personal optimization has become the perceived silver bullet to achieving competitive advantage. In fact the personal development industry – once limited to the niche, seemingly dorky space in the book store – is now quoted as a multi billion dollar industry worldwide! Considering a seven billion strong population, this is an incredible number. 

Yet no matter how much learning we do, we cannot escape the human condition – nor maybe would we want to? The part of the human condition I’m referring to is that most intricate combination of the innate blending with  life experiences, influences, and environment. The nature and nurture that expresses uniquely as the individual – a one time only deal. So what does this have to do with personal growth and learning? 

Well, consider a house that needs a room added on. This might be easy enough. What about adding a pool? No problem. Why? Because the additions are, most likely, complementary to the existing structure. But what if the house needed to be transformed into an apartment building? Not difficult to think of examples of this phenomenon in most major metropolitans! Of course, this means that the structure needs to be fundamentally re-thought, likely torn down, perhaps having completely new foundations installed, and maybe even the entire property engineering and layouts re-designed. So it’s easy enough to imagine here that when we’re constructing something fundamentally new and fit-for-new-purpose, there needs to be a breaking down of anything existing that could misshape the new design. 

When it comes to transforming our SELVES, and applying personal, professional, spiritual, business growth, we often don’t consciously realize the existing structures that need to be torn down or re-shaped. We don’t stop to take stock of the influences that may have become cemented into our foundations, even if they no longer serve us or may hinder us from applying new learnings effectively. In other words, to learn we need to be clear on what must be UNLEARNED. And one might argue that before we get to what must be unlearned, we need to make the connection that UNLEARNING is actually a critical – maybe the most critical – step in evolution (like how we unlearned that the sun revolves around the earth, or that Beniffer was over).  Without this, we risk spending lots of hours and money falling into a false sense of self-congratulatory growth memetics without any real GROWTH. Worse, we may actually be piling on stuff that turns out to be destructive rather than constructive. Using the house analogy again, it would be like trying to add floor after floor to transform the existing house into an apartment building. Sure, it would initially feel satisfying and seem like progress. But with each brick laid you’re actually getting closer to the time when that foundation is completely threatened and the house is no longer safe. 

To get really practical about this, we need only look at real life examples across different facets of life. Let’s consider relationships for a moment. We are inundated with the idea that all relationships require compromise. Specifically for romantic partnerships, we should be prepared to make meaningful compromises in order for them to be successful. And so we have generation upon generation of people embodying this ethos and passing it on to others as wisdom. Have we stopped to really consider what’s at the heart of this idea? The heart of this concept is that to have a meaningful partnership or relationship with another, you need to have less; be less; expect less on those things that may be rather important to you.  And if that’s the case, then relationships themselves are relegated to being an inferior state to individuality… A trade-off of parts of the self to submit to the need for companionship. Quite different from the joyous and desirable state that all expansive relationships are meant to be. 

And what about other types of relationships, like parent and child? We’re used to hearing adages like “while you’re under my roof you do as I say”. What this conveys to children early on is that when someone provides financial support you should expect to trade your voice and freedom. Does this mean that children shouldn’t have rules, guidance, or boundaries from their parents? Of course not! But what parents actually mean is “I love you, and I am charged with the privilege and responsibility of guiding you into adulthood…and I’ll keep making sure that the right guard rails are in place until slowly you no longer need them to care for yourself”. Instead, when financial support is positioned as a compromise over autonomy, that idea creeps into other relationships in similar formats. The job or boss that gets to mistreat you because they’re your financial source of security, that partner who crosses the line because they’re the breadwinner, and so on… 

What are the alternatives as we go about trying to evolve and apply personal growth  in the area of relationships? And this is where the critical need for UNLEARNING comes in. We have to recognize that no matter how we try to grow, read relationship or parenting books, and take courses, we’re actually building on a faulty foundation…one that is not fit for the purpose of  transformation. 

Once we recognize this, the next step is the bringing to light of hidden beliefs, thanking them for getting you to this point, and then dissolving them since they’re not the same beliefs that will take you forward. This opens space for new foundational beliefs and learning to take root for the next phase of your personal evolution. 

Applied to relationships, what then could be the new model of reality that better serves us? 

What about relationships where:

• the individuals enjoy full and free expression – complete agency – of the self, 
• whilst coming together to create something much MORE than any of them could do on their own
• each could multiply their gifts, talents, and visions through co-creation … Something bigger and better together than they could imagine separately.

This is the concept of EMERGENCE. The idea that SYNERGISTIC relationships are constructive (rather than destructive). It’s the coming together of wholes (cells, organs, people, business units) to create even greater wholes through synergy. It is the idea that nothing is lost in the individual parts as a result of coming together. Another way of saying this is “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts”. This is the opposite of the ‘compromise’ concept. It’s based on a starting point of a healthy, constructive, evolutionary relationship being so desirable because what you could imagine individually is massively inferior to what you could design together. And a simple reframing of the criteria for a relationship sends you off in search of exponentially healthier unions in work, romantic partnership, friendships, and so on. 

Once we take a view like this, when conflict does come up in a relationship we’re equipped to change the way we search for solutions. Instead of asking how we can compromise, the question for each is more along the lines of “what is the greater solution, that we’re not yet seeing, far beyond what we could imagine or achieve separately”? So we move from compromise – where we have to give something up – toward a world of EMERGENT RELATIONSHIPS … where relationships are based on “the whole becoming more than the sum of their parts”. 

Right about now we can hear you saying “this sounds great…and lofty…if only there were actual examples of relationships working this way”. Perhaps! We certainly don’t claim to have all the answers. You might say that this is an example… Our own way of seeking emergent knowledge. We’re taking our individual knowledge, questions, and reframes, and open-sourcing that into the world for others – who want to be part of transforming consciousness – to take that thinking further and greater than we can alone! We’re not becoming less than, not compromising anything important to us…We’re sharing in the hope of synergistic contribution from others, to create something fundamentally superior to what we can create alone.  This is our first step towards creating a profound movement based on exactly this type of synergistic relationship, with people we may not see but whose heart and intent we will most certainly feel! What’s more is there are actually great examples of such relationships playing out in biology and so many other areas of our lives, as well as great scientists and philosophers working towards these shifts… These are some of the minds we’ll draw from and share in the journey to transform consciousness. Together we can reshape our models of reality through reframing in these and other expansive ways. This is a rallying call to all those who want to transform the way we live, love, work, relate, parent, teach, entrepreneur and so much more. 

Join the movement for an EMERGENT HUMANITY CODE…